No Way !
by Icantgetenough
Summary: Jack makes the team take a survey to see how much they  really  know about  each other! Implied SJ
1. The  Email

1I know someone has done this but . .. I just had to do it!

Hey campers I just thought you know maybe we should check to see how much we really know about each other I'll meet you at my house 7pm print and fill out we'll discuss it there! And Yes Daniel it's an order!

Questions -------- Have You...??

Smoked?  
Had sex with someone of the same sex?  
Shoplifted?  
Lied?  
Betrayed a friend?  
Been to jail?  
Smoked weed?  
Done LSD?  
Done any other illegal drug?  
Given oral sex?  
Recieved oral sex?  
Had sex with something not of the human race?  
Cheated on someone?  
Used someone?  
Payed someone for sex?  
Been payed for sex?  
Played strip poker?  
Skipped work?  
Skipped work to get high / drunk?  
Danced naked?  
Danced naked in public?  
Flashed someone?  
Mooned someone?  
Kissed someone?  
Kissed someone of the same sex?  
Had sexual fantasies with anyone who will read this?  
Had gay/lesbian fantasies?  
Stolen money?  
Stolen money from family?  
Stolen drugs from family?  
Been convicted of a crime?  
Dated someone because you heard they were 'easy'?  
Had someone date you because they thought you were 'easy'?  
Been called a whore?  
Been called a bitch?  
Watched porn?  
Taped porn?  
Watched porn you taped?  
Kissed someone in a moving vehicle? Had sex with someone in a moving vehicle?  
Used sex 'toys'?

Had a threesome?

If not would you?  
Tried to kill yourself?  
Tried to kill someone else?  
Told someone you hated them?  
Told someone you loved them and didn't mean it?

Questions----------- Other

When did you lose your virginity?

Where did you grow up

Is this how you imagined life?

What's your favorite TV show?

Favorite Movie?

Favorite Song?

Who was the last person you said I love you to?

Is there someone you should tell that you love them?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be the opposite sex?

Do you think it would be easier?

What is your favorite non sexual fantasy?

What is your favorite sexual fantasy?

Would you rather be deaf or blind?

Would you do a porn if you were ask?

-------------

SG-1 did as they were told and filled it out rather quickly being honest and wondering what the others would say.


	2. Jack and Coke

Okay this is Jack's paper he has some explaining to do! Anyways I hope you like it and I think the next one will be Daniel's.

Jack's

Questions -------- Have You...??  
Smoked? Until Black Ops . ..  
Had sex with someone of the same sex? NO!  
Shoplifted? When I was young  
Lied? Everyday  
Betrayed a friend? Um once. .. Big mistake  
Been to jail? No  
Smoked weed? In highschool  
Done LSD? No  
Done any other illegal drug? Coke a few times  
Given oral sex? Yes  
Recieved oral sex? Oh YES!  
Had sex with something not of the human race? Um . . Yeah on PX45652  
Cheated on someone? No  
Used someone? Yeah but not in a serous relationship  
Payed someone for sex? Never  
Been payed for sex? NO  
Played strip poker? I only wish!  
Skipped work? If Hamond ask of course not !  
Skipped work to get high / drunk? Um after Charlie died I did  
Danced naked? Um, NO  
Danced naked in public? N/A  
Flashed someone? If it counts, I walk around without a shirt in the summer  
Mooned someone? Remember time loop??  
Kissed someone? Of course  
Kissed someone of the same sex? NEVER  
Had sexual fantasies about anyone who will read this? I can't answer this  
Had gay/lesbian fantasies? NO  
Stolen money? When I was young  
Stolen money from family? Yeah  
Stolen drugs from family? NO  
Been convicted of a crime? No  
Dated someone because you heard they were 'easy'?Yes  
Had someone date you because they thought you were 'easy'? I'm not sure  
Been called a whore? Yes  
Been called a bitch? No  
Watched porn? Every other day

Taped porn? If only  
Watched porn you taped? N/A  
Kissed someone in a moving vehicle? Yes  
Had sex with someone in a moving vehicle? No  
Used sex 'toys'? Only when I was married

Had a threesome? No

If not would you? Are you kidding why would anyone even ask?  
Tried to kill yourself? Uh, I thought after first mission I wouldn't come back  
Tried to kill someone else? Uh, Yeah  
Told someone you hated them? Yes  
Told someone you loved them and didn't mean it? No

Questions----------- Other

When did you lose your virginity? I was 15, With Lisa :D

Is this how you imagined life? Not in any universe

What's your favorite TV show? The Simson's (if I even had to answer)

Favorite Movie? Well it's not out but the Simson's will be.

Favorite Song? Not really a Music kind of guy . . .

Who was the last person you said I love you to? I don't know maybe my mom

Is there someone you should tell that you love them? Yes there is

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be the opposite sex? Uh, sometimes

Do you think it would be easier? NO WAY

What is your favorite non sexual fantasy? A peace with EVERYONE!!!

What is your favorite sexual fantasy? Um, it involves my cabin on the dock ALL NIGHT some pretty fancy stuff going on!

Would you rather be deaf or blind? Wow I guess deaf

Would you do a porn if you were ask? It depends who ask.

* * *

"You did coke!?" Daniel ask

"Only a few times"

"Wasn't PX 45652 the one with all the kids because the women were like 68.25 more likey to conceive then women on Earth?" Sam ask.

"I was careful!"

"Jack you could still have a child!" Daniel Mentioned.

"For your information Daniel I checked it out about month later no bun in the oven okay!"

"So mooning in the time loop?" Sam ask.

"Well uh I was running out of ideas you said it was very nice Carter!"

"Well. .. . I was being sarcastic and porn every other day?!"

"I'm pretty sure you weren't and is there a problem with that?"

"I'm pretty sure I was, and why don't you just get the real thing?"

" Okay maybe you were and because I can't have what I want!"

"What is a porn?" Teal'c ask.

"Well, it's a movie and its where two people have well sex well most of time it's two people but sometimes it can get pretty crazy!"

"Why would you want to watch another person having intercourse O'Neill?

"Well, um because some people like to watch it. Next question, PLEASE!"

"If I ask would you make a porn?" Sam knew it was daring question and she knew he wouldn't answer it because even though she wanted him to say yes even if he wanted to say yes he wouldn't not even to himself!

"Well, I mean if, you know if things, I, I don't know."

All the team knew that they had feelings for each other hell they all had feelings that with any other team they would hav e had to change. SG-1 worked though it was hard and emotional but they worked everything out except this one thing. Jack and Sam.


	3. The naked Archeologist

1Thank you so much for the reviews Oh I have no disclaimer but as you all should know I don't own Stargate anything :( how sad :(

Daniel's

Questions -------- Have You...??  
Smoked? No  
Had sex with someone of the same sex?No  
Shoplifted? No  
Lied? Yes  
Betrayed a friend? Yes  
Been to jail? Once . . .It wasn't my fault  
Smoked weed? No  
Done LSD? no  
Done any other illegal drug? no  
Given oral sex? Yes  
Recieved oral sex? yes  
Had sex with something not of the human race? Uh my wife !  
Cheated on someone? Never  
Used someone? no  
Payed someone for sex? no  
Been payed for sex? no  
Played strip poker? Yes  
Skipped work? Yes  
Skipped work to get high / drunk? No  
Danced naked? Yes  
Danced naked in public? No  
Flashed someone? I guess  
Mooned someone? No  
Kissed someone? Yes  
Kissed someone of the same sex? No  
Had sexual fantasies with anyone who will read this? No  
Had gay/lesbian fantasies? No  
Stolen money? no  
Stolen money from family? no  
Stolen drugs from family? no  
Been convicted of a crime? no  
Dated someone because you heard they were 'easy'? When I was younger  
Had someone date you because they thought you were 'easy'? NO  
Been called a whore? No  
Been called a bitch? no  
Watched porn? Yes  
Taped porn? no  
Watched porn you taped? NA  
Kissed someone in a moving vehicle?Yes Had sex with someone in a moving vehicle?Yes  
Used sex 'toys'? no

Had a threesome? no

If not would you? um, no  
Tried to kill yourself? No  
Tried to kill someone else? Yes  
Told someone you hated them? Yes  
Told someone you loved them and didn't mean it? Yes

Questions----------- Other

When did you lose your virginity? I was 19

Is this how you imagined life? Not exactly

What's your favorite TV show? I guess it would have to be The Naked Archeologist

Favorite Movie? Uh Wormhole X-treme

Favorite Song? Imagine -John Lennon

Who was the last person you said I love you to? Sam lol

Is there someone you should tell that you love them? Uh, I love you Jack, I love You Teal'c

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be the opposite sex? Uh yeah sure

Do you think it would be easier? No

What is your favorite non sexual fantasy? Finding a way to stop all the war

What is your favorite sexual fantasy? Uh, I know this sounds weird but just out in the middle of a busy intersection.

Would you rather be deaf or blind? Deaf

Would you do a porn if you were ask? No

* * *

' Wow Daniel your life is pretty boring!" Jack mentioned.

"Sorry I wasn't as crazy as you were."

"An intersection Daniel?" Sam ask.

"Well it was Just a thought."

"I believe you said that the last person you showed affection toward was Samantha Carter." Teal'c ask.

"Yeah well ,it was just one of those moments she wasn't feeling all that great and she needed cheering up!"

"Thank you Daniel I love you to and I do love all you guys like Daniel said!" Sam said.

"Do I want to know about dancing naked?" Jack ask.

"NO .. .. . I mean it was a while back."

"The Naked Archeologist is the best you can come up with Daniel?" Jack ask.

"Well it's not like I have time to watch anything and when I do its around the time frame it comes on I learn a little bit even if I did know most of it !"

"Okay well Carter It looks like your next . . .. . . " Jack said.

* * *

Sorry Daniels is so short . . .. . .. He Just is a safe one I guess. . . . 


	4. 1 Sam plus 3 guys equals ch 4!

1Thanks for all the reviews. There is only Teal'c's after this one :(

Questions -------- Have You...??  
Smoked? No  
Had sex with someone of the same sex? No  
Shoplifted? Yes  
Lied? Yes  
Betrayed a friend? No  
Been to jail? Yes  
Smoked weed? Yes in college  
Done LSD? Yes  
Done any other illegal drug? No  
Given oral sex? Yes

Received oral sex? Yes

Had sex with something not of the human race? No  
Cheated on someone? Yes  
Used someone? No  
Payed someone for sex? No  
Been payed for sex? No  
Played strip poker? Uh Huh  
Skipped work? Never

Skipped work to get high / drunk? No  
Danced naked? Yes  
Danced naked in public? Yeah  
Flashed someone? Yes  
Mooned someone? No  
Kissed someone? Yes  
Kissed someone of the same sex? Yes  
Had sexual fantasies with anyone who will read this? Um . .. . ..  
Had gay/lesbian fantasies? No  
Stolen money? Yes  
Stolen money from family? Yes  
Stolen drugs from family? No  
Been convicted of a crime? No  
Dated someone because you heard they were 'easy'? Yes  
Had someone date you because they thought you were 'easy'? Yeah  
Been called a whore? Yes  
Been called a bitch? Yes  
Watched porn? A few times  
Taped porn? Do you really want to know?  
Watched porn you taped? No  
Kissed someone in a moving vehicle? Yes

Had sex with someone in a moving vehicle? No  
Used sex 'toys'? Yes

Had a threesome? No

If not would you? Uh maybe  
Tried to kill yourself? Not really, I mean every time we go to work we risk it.  
Tried to kill someone else? Yes  
Told someone you hated them? Yes  
Told someone you loved them and didn't mean it? Yes

Questions----------- Other

When did you lose your virginity? I was 14

Is this how you imagined life? Never

What's your favorite TV show? ER to bad Noah Wile isn't on the show anymore . . .poor Carter

Favorite Movie? A Dog's Breakfast

Favorite Song? Out Of Touch

Who was the last person you said I love you to? Um .. . Pete maybe

Is there someone you should tell that you love them? Yes

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be the opposite sex? Yes

Do you think it would be easier? YES

What is your favorite non sexual fantasy? Being out of a Job

What is your favorite sexual fantasy? It involves the 3 guys with a lot of adventure

Would you rather be deaf or blind? Deaf

Would you do a porn if you were ask? Um

* * *

"Yes I want really want to know!" Jack said a little to excitedly!

Well in an earlier question dancing naked thing that was in front of a camera. And know you can't have a copy . . .. Even though I don't even know if there is one for all I know it could have been mass produced it was the 80's

What did you steel ? You know this and that! I stole some stuff from the supply closet last week!

"That is really not steeling." Daniel mentioned.

"Jail Huh?" Jack ask.

"Yeah well I was a troubled youth I got out of it most of the time because of my dad.

"So when does strip poker take place." Daniel ask half jokingly.

"Tuesday nights you guys can join no triple layers , and it wouldn't matter for me because I never lose!"

"Samantha Carter is it not frowned upon to kiss another human of the same gender?" Teal'c ask

"Well yes but I didn't know I did it until I developed some pictures."

"A little adventurous don't you say?" Jack ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Three guys?"

"Well not just any three guys!"

"You know you're talking to three guys!"

"Not you three Guys."


	5. What weed are you refering to?

This my last chapter ! Sorry, I'm working on a Law and Order:SVU story about Olivia . . . it might be up in a few weeks look for ir please! Thanks for all the reviews Love you guys !

Questions -------- Have You...??  
Smoked? No  
Had sex with someone of the same sex? No  
Shoplifted? No  
Lied? Yes  
Betrayed a friend? Several  
Been to jail? On my home planet  
Smoked weed? I do not know what weed you are referring of.  
Done LSD? I do not know.  
Done any other illegal drug? No  
Given oral sex? No  
Recieved oral sex? No  
Had sex with something not of the human race? I am not A human , so yes  
Cheated on someone? No  
Used someone? Yes  
Payed someone for sex? No  
Been payed for sex? No  
Played strip poker? Yes on Tuesdays  
Skipped work? No  
Skipped work to get high / drunk? No  
Danced naked? Yes  
Danced naked in public? Yes  
Flashed someone? I guess I have  
Mooned someone? What is a mooning ?  
Kissed someone? Yes  
Kissed someone of the same sex? No  
Had sexual fantasies with anyone who will read this? No  
Had gay/lesbian fantasies? No  
Stolen money? No  
Stolen money from family? NA  
Stolen drugs from family? No  
Been convicted of a crime? Several  
Dated someone because you heard they were 'easy'? No  
Had someone date you because they thought you were 'easy'? No  
Been called a whore? No  
Been called a bitch? No  
Watched porn? I do not know.  
Taped porn? No  
Watched porn you taped?  
Kissed someone in a moving vehicle? Yes

Had sex with someone in a moving vehicle? No  
Used sex 'toys'? No

Had a threesome? No

If not would you? I do not know why you would need two people  
Tried to kill yourself? NoTried to kill someone else? Yes  
Told someone you hated them? Yes  
Told someone you loved them and didn't mean it? No

Questions----------- Other

When did you lose your virginity? 26

Is this how you imagined life? No

What's your favorite TV show? Star Trek

Favorite Movie? Star Wars

Favorite Song? What is Love

Who was the last person you said I love you to? My son

Is there someone you should tell that you love them? No

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be the opposite sex? No

Do you think it would be easier? No

What is your favorite non sexual fantasy? To free all jafa

What is your favorite sexual fantasy? I really do not know what to speak of.

Would you rather be deaf or blind? Blind

Would you do a porn if you were ask? I do not know.

"You and Sam play strip Poker together?" Jack ask.

"Indeed."

"Why do I not know about theese things?"

"Perhaps O'Neill it is because some people may not see you as fit to play."

"Are you saying that I don't have a good body, T?"

"I believe what he's saying sir is that you would cheat!"

"Well, I mean come on now who do you think I am?"

Daniel rolled his eyes and laughed. He was the one who hated this but now they knew so much about one another it was a lot of fun. They needed to do this again and maybe he should join Tuesday nights.

THE END


End file.
